A while back I posted a long diatribe about my creative process and the lack thereof, about my paralyzing fear and how to get past it. I have been working hard, though I must admit that I have failed in doing the regular Yes, And... writing that I had promised myself. It is still difficult. I know it has only been a month, but it feels like my progress is non existent. I just found an ad calling for music writers. I can totally do that, except I have no real writing samples anywhere on the web and trying to write one just for the application is freaking me out. I start something and erase the whole thing before I can even edit it. I KNOW I can do it, but I don't know I can do it, if that makes any sense. It doesn't, but I hope I am getting my meaning out. Intellectually I know I can do it, but at the moment the fear monster is gripping me hard, whispering in my ear that no one wants to read anything I might write. Several weeks of being turned down for many, many jobs is seriously feeding and giving strength to this fucker.

So thanks to a wonderful friend I now have a copy of The Nerdist Way by Chris Hardwick. I don't know if you are aware of the guy. I have been following his podcast since inception. He has taken his podcast and turned it into a network. His theory is that the Nerd brain works in a way that is different from the rest of society. The Nerd brain has the ability to get hyper focused and the intelligence to quickly makes sense of things. His theory is that in general we nerds use that hyper focal ability to do things like play video games for hours, create worlds that don't exist so we can live in them (in our heads), and that this ability can be harnessed to help you succeed in every day life. He is not claiming to be a self help guru. He is not claiming to be some expert on, well, anything. But what he is claiming is that these methods have worked to help him turn his life around, and he is putting them out there for us other nerds to try.

A lot of what he says hits home. I can get hyper focused, especially on all the wrong things. Though I do not claim to be a brainiac, I am also not a dullard. One of the things he suggests is treating your life like an RPG. If you are not familiar with this concept, and RPG is a Role Playing Game. D&D is a classic example of one. I LOVE RPGs. When playing an RPG, you create your character by rolling dice to decide which attributes you get. In RL-RPG, you create a numbering system for the traits you have and want. I won't explain the whole thing here, mainly because I feel Mr. Hardwick deserves the money for people buying the book instead of reading it all here.

In my twisted little nerd brain, it all makes sense. All of it. In fact, last night I was dreaming about how to implement it. So, starting today, I am turning my life into an RPG. My goal: to get over myself and make money doing what I love. I am hoping that this will help me get out of my own way. By this time next year, I want to be doing something besides whining about how I hate my life and how shitty it is that no one will hire me. Now that I have emailed 5 applications (that is my minimum for any given day), I plan to spend the rest of the day creating my character and goal sheets.

The many taloned monster painfully gripping my shoulder is telling me it will never work, and that my motivation will wane after a day or so and I won't complete it. Time to add a sword to my weapon arsenal so I can slay this lying motherfucker.

Now that I have the script done, I need voice actors to record the dialog. I was going to try to do at least one of the voices, but I am still not up for it yet. When I talk too much I lose the ability to use my upper lip. Which is slightly disturbing, but still close enough to the actual injury I don't think it is permanent. Yet. But I need to get to animating, and I need to have the audio to go off of first. I have no idea where to find voice actors. I made an appeal to friends first. Tomorrow I think I am going to talk to my acting coach at the college. He is a nice guy. He may be able to help me find people. Unfortunately I can't afford to pay anyone, so that may limit my poole a bit.

So...while I am waiting for responses, I have been playing with making my own puppets. Here is what I have so far....

I am just waiting for the epoxy putty to harden. I have decided I hate the stuff. It was suggested on several sites and blogs, so I thought I would try it. For one thing, it stops being workable after 2 minutes. Which means you have to work quickly. This wasn't close to what I wanted it to look like, but I didn't have time to sculpt it. It also feels a bit heavy. I worry that the wire joints might bow under the weight. It is also stinky and expensive. And sticky. I have it all over my hands. I couldn't get it all off. Well, we'll see how this goes. I am thinking of trying balsa and gorilla glue for bones next time. I also have pine fancy craft sticks. I might see what I can do with those. Though I would still have to figure out the torso and hips.

Ok...off to find foam build up instructions. I have some old cushions I am tearing apart for this. I also have some flat foam sheets that came inside other stuff I bought.....a long time ago. Again, I am not a craft hoarder. :P

EDIT: That....went horribly, horribly wrong. Mainly because I have NO idea what I am doing. The foam refused to stick, and then it refused to sculpt, which did not help my already piss-poor sculpting skills. So now I have a boned armature with a half sculpted cork head attached to my desk lamp by magnets in it's very very very undersized feet.

Yeah. I have been working on these flipping chairs for days. They are ok. They will probably work. I just see all the flaws in them. I also printed out some hardwood flooring and took a test run with it all together. I am not sure I like it yet.

I didn't bother lighting it. Maybe should have. I dunno.

It was fun to do. I have decided that what I need to do is finish the storyline then only make the things I need, not what strikes me at the time. I have no idea what I would do with any of this. I had fun making the playing cards. I am a gamer, so it is cool to have dice and cards. Well, I guess I am getting better at it as I go along. I just need to plan better. So...tonight work on writing up a script and a list of sets and props. I plan to try adding dialog to this next one.