Well.
This has been a dark and crazy year. I have lost people. I have gained people. Things went from bad to worse, while also wierdly getting better at the same time. My job is going well. I now have an income that sustains me. Covid in my state has increased sharply, enough our governer has closed down the state again for at least 2 weeks. As a person in the at risk catergory, this is kind of scary.
Amidst this scary time, I sat back an evaluated my life and where I am. Who am I? Where have I come from? Do I like who I am? When I am on my deathbed (whether it be next month, next year, 10 years from now or 30 years from now), will I be able to feel satisfied. Or will I feel regret.
I came to the conclusion I want to be able to look back and see 3 things. I did more good than harm. I loved more than I hated. And I broke away from my fear and did what made me joyful.
I realized I really do love stop motion animation. A lot. It makes me happy while I am struggling to mold it to what I want. It makes me laugh when I watch a clip back and see my little jokes in action. Even if I am the only one who thinks they are funny, it tickles me to death. I wrote and animated the damn thing, and I still laugh when I watch the Dalek one and see him put the sign on the Daleks back. :D Honestly, it also warms my heart to remember showing that at the 50 year Doctor Who do here in Portland, and listening to the ENTIRE AUDIENCE laugh spontaneously where I do. And later in the day, hearing a kid walking past with a presumed parent retelling the story of the Dalek knocking over Stonehenge in my video, having issues because they were laughing so hard they couldn't finish a sentance. I want others to enjoy what I do too. Not think it is good, or give me accolades....just...enjoy it for what it is.
Of course, I want to be better. I want to learn more. I am now in a financial place where I can up my game technically. So as an addition to that, I applied for the Stop Motion 1 program put on by Aardman, the people who do Wallace and Grommet, etc. I have always wanted to do a program with them, but they were all on prem in Bristol UK, which along with the tuition fees and time required to be in the country, has always put it out of reach for me. I don't even have a passport. But one good thing this horrid pandemic has done is brought that program online, and the class fees lower to a point I can afford it.
I got an email yesterday that they have accepted me. Now, I don't know if this means they are taking everyone, or if they looked at my YouTubes and video pages and decided I desperately need the help. Or if they see potential. And I felt something I did not expect. After the elation, I immediately started in to trepidation. My brain first said they aren't really serious about teaching people, they are just trying to get money and will take everyone who will pay money. As a consequence you will get no instruction, or if you have issues instead of getting help you will be chastised for not being able to figure it out yourself. Yup...I went to college for IT training with a bunch of guys, some teachers, who didn't feel I belonged there. I talked myself out of that, then immediately my brain fell back on the good old "you aren't really good enough. Why are you going to put yourself out there, and putting yourself in debt to do it?"
I am still calming my brain down from that one. But seriously.....All the reasons I outlined earlier in this post.....
Life is too short to hide from what brings you joy.
Not everything you expend money on needs to bring a financial return.
Once more for the people in the back
Not everything you expend money on needs to bring a financial return.
If I do actually get better, get some good pointers, etc GREAT. It will help me do better, express my weirdness better, help entertain people better. And bring me even more joy.
But even if I don't....I can go to my grave (whenever that is) knowing I pursued what made me happy. I am helping people I know with bills. I am buying from small businesses to help them keep afloat during this hard time. I am paying for online comedy shows and concerts, even if I can't make them, to help those who need it. I am contributing to go fund me's. I am throwing bits at Twitch streamers. I am complimenting people genuinely every chance I get.
And I am pursuing my happiness.
End of story.
This has been a dark and crazy year. I have lost people. I have gained people. Things went from bad to worse, while also wierdly getting better at the same time. My job is going well. I now have an income that sustains me. Covid in my state has increased sharply, enough our governer has closed down the state again for at least 2 weeks. As a person in the at risk catergory, this is kind of scary.
Amidst this scary time, I sat back an evaluated my life and where I am. Who am I? Where have I come from? Do I like who I am? When I am on my deathbed (whether it be next month, next year, 10 years from now or 30 years from now), will I be able to feel satisfied. Or will I feel regret.
I came to the conclusion I want to be able to look back and see 3 things. I did more good than harm. I loved more than I hated. And I broke away from my fear and did what made me joyful.
I realized I really do love stop motion animation. A lot. It makes me happy while I am struggling to mold it to what I want. It makes me laugh when I watch a clip back and see my little jokes in action. Even if I am the only one who thinks they are funny, it tickles me to death. I wrote and animated the damn thing, and I still laugh when I watch the Dalek one and see him put the sign on the Daleks back. :D Honestly, it also warms my heart to remember showing that at the 50 year Doctor Who do here in Portland, and listening to the ENTIRE AUDIENCE laugh spontaneously where I do. And later in the day, hearing a kid walking past with a presumed parent retelling the story of the Dalek knocking over Stonehenge in my video, having issues because they were laughing so hard they couldn't finish a sentance. I want others to enjoy what I do too. Not think it is good, or give me accolades....just...enjoy it for what it is.
Of course, I want to be better. I want to learn more. I am now in a financial place where I can up my game technically. So as an addition to that, I applied for the Stop Motion 1 program put on by Aardman, the people who do Wallace and Grommet, etc. I have always wanted to do a program with them, but they were all on prem in Bristol UK, which along with the tuition fees and time required to be in the country, has always put it out of reach for me. I don't even have a passport. But one good thing this horrid pandemic has done is brought that program online, and the class fees lower to a point I can afford it.
I got an email yesterday that they have accepted me. Now, I don't know if this means they are taking everyone, or if they looked at my YouTubes and video pages and decided I desperately need the help. Or if they see potential. And I felt something I did not expect. After the elation, I immediately started in to trepidation. My brain first said they aren't really serious about teaching people, they are just trying to get money and will take everyone who will pay money. As a consequence you will get no instruction, or if you have issues instead of getting help you will be chastised for not being able to figure it out yourself. Yup...I went to college for IT training with a bunch of guys, some teachers, who didn't feel I belonged there. I talked myself out of that, then immediately my brain fell back on the good old "you aren't really good enough. Why are you going to put yourself out there, and putting yourself in debt to do it?"
I am still calming my brain down from that one. But seriously.....All the reasons I outlined earlier in this post.....
Life is too short to hide from what brings you joy.
Not everything you expend money on needs to bring a financial return.
Once more for the people in the back
Not everything you expend money on needs to bring a financial return.
If I do actually get better, get some good pointers, etc GREAT. It will help me do better, express my weirdness better, help entertain people better. And bring me even more joy.
But even if I don't....I can go to my grave (whenever that is) knowing I pursued what made me happy. I am helping people I know with bills. I am buying from small businesses to help them keep afloat during this hard time. I am paying for online comedy shows and concerts, even if I can't make them, to help those who need it. I am contributing to go fund me's. I am throwing bits at Twitch streamers. I am complimenting people genuinely every chance I get.
And I am pursuing my happiness.
End of story.
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