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Renewed resolve?

3/11/2020

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Hello again. I am back again with more resolve to post here more often. Life has been kicking my butt. However I have renewed motivation and plan to try to keep this thing going. In order for that to happen, I have made a plan. Bwuahahaha.
So...

Plan 1 - Post here 2x a week, no matter where I am at.
I am hoping by making myself stick to a pre planned schedule, things won’t fall through the cracks. I have several SCA events to get ready for this summer, as well as Norwescon in April (if it isn’t cancelled) and Rose City Comic Con in September. I also have some stop mo’s I want to complete. They are all written, I just have to construct the puppets, sets, props etc and film. Hwat I work on will be dependent on time, energy, joint flare ups and money for the pieces I need.

Plan 2 - Post a vlog on You Tube either once a week or every other week.
I set up a YouTube channel for bloggy things that are not actual stop mo things. I will embed the videos here. We shall see how that goes.

For now, let me get you caught up.

I have so many projects. I think I will just list them here and break them down into the different parts.

1. SCA
I am going to just concentrate on getting a set of camping event garbs to wear to events this summer. This is going to consist of
-Elizabethan peasant garb
-1 or 2 chemises
-2 or 3 kirtles
​-an apron
-2 or 3 coifs with forehead kercheifs
-a tie on collared partlet
- Possibly either a flat cap, straw hat or both

Elizabethan peasant garb seems fairly straight forward. I am basing my basic design on this:
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Basically the blue one. I don’t want to mess with back lacing while camping alone. This is also slightly earlier than my period, but it is the basic jist of what I am going for. I also want to make fake padded braids to wear under the coif to make it fit right. Cause my hair is sparce at the moment.


2. Cosplays
I want to get Talleg done (yes, STILL), and I need to fix Aoifa. I am thinking of just leaving it at those. Because I don’t have a lot of spare money right now, and Norwescon is in a month, I am just going to concentrate and those two for now.

Aoifa
-Fix her corset. Either try to make it a real corset or figure out how to sew the cardboard together so it won’t pop
-Remake her horns
-Make a padded circlet to go under the wig, so the horns look like they are growing kut of her head. Seriously that circlet is a joke.
-Figure out how to incorporate the dragon eye from the current circlet
-Sew the fur collar to the cloak. It is currently hot glued, very badly
-Repaint the spider broaches so the black doesn’t chip off
-Figure out a better sleeve configuration. Or learn how to glue them to my skin so they stay
-Figure out how to install the ears, and how to makeup them

Not much. 😒

Talleg
-Finish breastplate
-leg armor and arm armor
-Gauntlets
-Finish +1 mace.....MAKE IT LIGHT UP

​I think I will break this down futher in my video. When I get that done.
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Teeeeeny tiiiiny cord.....

10/6/2019

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It has been a while....again. I have been sick and busy and tired. I have been coming home and sleeping after my night shift. I think I am starting to get over the flu, so sleeping is not as prevelant. But still. I got Aoifa ready for the con, and Talleg mostly ready. I wore Aoifa on Friday. Her corset burst within the first 20 minutes though. I did get some pictures with that one, thank goodness. Saturday of Rose City I wore the Tardis dress, which is waaay too big for me now. That was meet The Doctor day. I was feeling a bit run down. My face was itchy and my nose was runny. Thought I was just experiencing allergies and overexcitement. I met some friends as we did the signing with #9 and the photo op. We said for the Christopher Eccelston/ Billy Piper panel. At that point I was so exhausted I knew I couldn’t stay for the costume contest. Which I am very sad I missed. By the time I got home, my body was achey and I had a fever of 103. Flu. I had the flu. I missed the rest of the con. I did not get a chance to wear my Talleg cosplay. I did not get to test out my makeup fixer spray in a real life situation. I spent a lot of money to have to miss about half the con. That makes me sad.

And since then, I have been recovering. Sleeping a ton. I still have to work, so I have been working nights then sleeping all day. I have pics of the one day I went. I will do photo dump at the end of this post.

Saturday of this week there was an SCA event called Honor Feast. I have been wanting to go back to the SCA for a couple of years, but without an income and without a car it was hard. Now I have both. No social connections anymore, but I now have an income and transportation. So I pushed past my social anxiety and went. It was fun. I am glad I went. I needed a project to take with me, so instead of sitting there awkwardly alone in my chair I could be buy with something. I decided to try to make reeallly teeeeeny cording. Usually I do cording via kumohimo. But when you are talking tiny threads, that method tends to break your threads. So I decided to do a lucet. I have maybe played with a lucet once. I didn’t have one. Didn’t really have the ability to get one at 2am before the vent. So I attempted to make myself one. I have basswood all over the place because of the stop mo sets I build with it. I must have gotten a bad batch or maybe they are too old or dry, cause they kept cracking to pieces. That is an issue. So I thought about it a bit, and remembered I have 5 crappy dollar tree forks that I never use for eating because the tines bend too easily. If I bent down a couple of the tines, would it work for a lucet? Unsure of which tines would be best, I tried 3 ways: 1 with the first 2 tines curled down, 1 with the middle 2 curled down, and 1 with every other tine curled down. The one with the two middle curled down, it is fine for larger cord and thicker yarn. It is a bit difficult with thinner threads, though. The one with the first 2 curled down worked great for the single thread cord, but was hard to manipulate with anything like doily crochet thread weight. So really all 3 have their place. I have done some ok cords now. Next I need to learn how to make flat cording and how to make multicolor cords.

​Ok...pic dump!

Before makeup.....

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Da Kitteh is hepping....

After makeup....

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Post makeup, pre cloak....

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End of day 1 makeup. Held up ok...

Cosplay fail point....D’oh!

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Photo op pic. I will get this digitized eventually....

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Getting ready for the SCA feast.

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First iteration of the fork lucet. Biggest issue loops kept slipping off.

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To make it easier, I heated the tips with a candle for about 10 minutes then used needle nose pliers to tweak the tips outward. Worked well!

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I got it pretty teeny.

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This is with a single strand of DMC floss

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I learned if you use a pin to help pull the loop over, be careful not to split your thread with the sharp end.

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Update with stuffs n Things

10/23/2018

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It has been a while again. I have been so busy trying to find a job I haven't had time to do much else.

I have lost a lot of wieght, as a consequence clothes fit me that did not before. Last summer I ordered a bunch of clothes online that were really really cheap, but despite being size 3x they didn't even remotely fit. They were more like 14-16, which is in the Large/Xlarge range. At this point things are starting to actually fit. This weekend is Kumoricon, and I haven't had time to do much cosplay building. I was just planning on going, playing DnD and taking cosplay pictures. But this jacket now sort of fits, and it is kind piratey....maybe? It had a really crappy zipper on it that wouldn't stay together even if I zipped it up without putting it on so there was no pull on it.
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For some reason I didn't think of getting a pic before I started working on it. First I just cut off the zipper. Then I reinforced the button area. I have pinned all the buttons on, and sewed about 3 of them. I will then make loops to hook over the buttons. I have no idea what else I will do with it. What will I wear under it? Skirt? Pants? Will it easily lend itself to being turned into a cosplay for an existing character? I dunno. It is 3/4 length sleeves. I have a ton of silver buttons. Originally I was going to put buttons on both sides and lace it together. However I do not have enough of the same kind of buttons, so I decided to do the button loop thing. I have these pirate skull and crossbones buttons. Not enough for the sleeve cuff buttons, but that is ok. I will put dragon buttons on the sleeve cuffs. The color matches. Sort of. I also found a bunch of Halloween themed stuff I bought on sale last year. I have no idea what I will do with them yet, but I am sure I will think of something.
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I need to get back to job hunting. If I come up with something cool I will post it.
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Well THAT didn't go as planned.....

7/22/2018

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That should be the epitaph of my life. :(

So.....

Everything was going OK. The mop didn't work. Mostly because the orange bit at the top started crumbling apart, and the more I tried to glue it the more it crumbled until it was more glue than orange bit. Looked really really bad.

I was like oh well. I will just deal with it. I got the rest of it done. I adjusted the gloves so the white stripes were less wrinkly.

Then this happened:
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You see, I live with a family who has a 5 month old puppy. I very chewy, rambunctious puppy. She is a love, but she has had a predeliction towards my foam for a while now.

Up until now if I said no and put it up, she would leave it.

But this time...

She has grown enough that she can now just grab things off my desk. I love that puppy, but damn girl. She also chewed up the belt stuff. This made everything I have been working so hard on this week all moot. I no longer had a cosplay. The mop and the accessories is what makes it VCD Janitor, as opposed to a random construction worker or janitor. This happened the NIGHT BEFORE the con. :/

After I was done crying in the corner, I considered what I could do. Because I already paid for this con, I was damn well still going to go.

I still have my Aoifa stuff. Sort of. I have lost 45 pounds since I made her, so her bodice no longer works. You can read about that build by going to October 2017 in the archives. There are several posts about it. I was going to link one, but I can't decide which one as all of them apply. I think I also have them all tagged Cosplay as well.

Anyway...So Aoifa's breastplate is waaaay too big now. The fabric bits are all in tatters. All that works really is the front bit and the horned circlet.

So looking at it, I decided if I had something to cover the back like a cloak, I could just tie the breastplate on directly around the back. It now wraps several inches into the back when tied that way.

So I needed fabric or something. And I would need a skirt and shoes. So I talked to a friend, who generously drove with me to Goodwill. There I found a furry vest with a giant collar, a tweed curtain, huge ass earrings, and a couple of pairs of knee length boots.

Photo vomit:
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I first cut the collar off the vest. I included part of the body so I had a foundation. Then I cut the curtain to length. It was already finished on all the edges and was the perfect width.

I....am not proud of the next step, but it was a desperate situation. I then hot glued the curtain to the foundation bit I left on the collar. It worked waaaay better than I thought it would. I like the cloak. I think eventually I will sew it firmly.
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These were earrings. Huge ass earrings. I removed the earring part, which was just french hooks held on by a jump ring, and attached 2 safety pins with black chain maille rings.

Then I painted them with some oil based paint pens I had. Obviously they didn't work well, as most of it chipped off quickly. And the safety pins were shite. They were in a $5 sewing kit, and they kept bending and popping open. They did look good though. I think I will try to find some more permanent enamel paint for these and better broach clasps.

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Boots!! So I have to wear footwear that supports my ankles. I have joint hypermobility syndrome, and my ankles and hips are the 2 most effected sets of joints. I found this out when I started randomly face planting and spraining shoulders and wrists over and over again. According to the rheumatologist, this is permanent. It is a consequence of this degenerative condition. No more going barefoot, me. :( That means I have to find footwear that 1. fits my short, wide feet and 2. will go around my disproportionatly shaped calves. Up till now the best I could do is ill fitting ankle length construction boots. But these.....ah these...HEAVEN! They are comfortable. They fit my odd shaped feet. They have enough support for my ankles. And they have the two stretch panels in the back so they fit my calves!! And they are SOOOOOO comfortable. And they take 2 seconds to get on and off. I long ago gave up the idea of the quick on/off process of the footware. I wore these all day around the con yesterday, and they were still so confortable I didn't want to take them off. No rubbing spots. No too tight spots. They supported my ankles enough I could still walk without faceplanting after hours of cement walking. If nothing else, this is the best possible outcome of this frustrating situation. I ended up with footwear I CAN WEAR. Sigh. And they were $5. And hardly worn. I AM SO HAPPY I COULD CRY.

Ahem...

So I had a long black skirt with slits up the sides, so I decided that would work with this outfit. And the horns were still serviceable. So VOILA!! New iteration of Aoifa!
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By the end of the day, tired cosplayer was tired. We did a photoshoot out in the sun. My chest is soooo sunburned right now. Fortunately I had on sunscreen, so it doesn't hurt. And it will go away soon and be blaringly pale again in no time. (I do not tan. And yes, I burn THROUGH sunscreen.)

So overall I am kind of impressed with how it turned out. For pulling it out of my ass last minute.

Sadly it is not the last iteration ever. The boob parts partially tore away from the base part. The grommets are pretty much toast. So I just need to reinforce the rest of the boob parts, attach them to a different breastplate, and figure out a better way of attaching it to my body.
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More foamy goodness....

9/23/2017

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 So today I got up the courage to actually work on the project itself. I first took out a couple of old paper grocery bags and created a pattern. I used a corset that doesn't really fit me to get the basic idea of the shape of the pieces. Then I measured down my front from between my boobs to where I want the center of the front to stop. Then I drew curves for boobs from the center line to the outside, and created a curve on the bottom. Then I drafted out the side pieces. Next I measured out a back middle piece. I started with the same measurement for the longest part of the front, then I slowly cut it down until it was the right height. Then I taped all my pieces together and tried em on. I discovered I was about 4 inches short in size, so I made 2- 2 inch rectangle pieces to add to the back. Yeah, I am a big woman. I repeated the taping together, altering and taping again until I got to the size and shape I wanted. Then I pinned it to the foam.....
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The next part was the hardest for me. Tracing the patterns on the foam and cutting out the pieces. I suck at tracing, and I doubly suck at cutting out. I can't cut a straight edge with a thick metal ruler. I tried. I tried hard. I broke a retractable knife, an exacto knife and a pair of scissors trying to get good cuts. Did not succeed. I ended up having to use my flimsy exacto knife, which bent and sagged as I cut, making funny curves and/or 45 ish degree angles, instead of 90. Note to self: get a better retractable knife than just a dollar tree one. That broke quickly. As the lines were so unclean, I could not use anything but hot glue to put the pieces together.
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Slightly daunted, but determined to continue, I then pulled out my heat gun and warped the foam pieces. That was kind of fun. My gun works best on level 1, setting the dial to 7. I am unsure what tempurature that is, but it works.
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As I mentioned earlier, my pieces did not lay flush when places edge to edge. SO I pulled out my hot glue gun and put the pieces together. That is something I apparently suck at as well. I am still getting used to useing a hot glue gun. When I was a teenage crafter, all you could find int he craft stores was low temp glue guns, so nothing held together very well. Anything like body tempurature, leaving it in the sun for a minute, would make your project come completely undone. As such I completely rejected it as a good mode of glueing. Now there are higher temp guns, with stronger glues. I have been impressed with what I found. However, I still need to refine my technique. Heavy drips, uneven edges, burned fingers are just a few of the issues I had. But, nonetheless, I got it basically together. Yeah, this will not be my final product. Once I figure out where I am going wrong throughout, I will start over again. That seems to be my M.O. anyway. I generally totally suck the first time round, get it right the second. To see how well it fit me and to see if I needed to make any design changes, I hot glued velcro straps in. That is the worst way to put together your corset. Just saying. I have some black stretchy fabric I am planning on attaching to each side, so I can just slip it on over my head. The sleeves will be made of drapy halloween fabric in green and black and grey, and sewn to a piece of cotton. I can't wear this stuff against my skin, so I figured it would probably simplify things if I didn't attach the sleeves directly to the EVA foam lower part.
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Next step is to make the boobs. I have ordered some 6mm foam for those pieces. I plan to either try to use a heat tool to carve leaves so it looks like layered leaves, or scaled elaves, or cut and paste individual leaves out of foam on them. Then they will be painted green and brown. Then I will glue them to the curves at the top of the..um..corset seems the wrong word to use here. There is also a skirt. Am considering greaves as well. I also want to make bracers. I am thinking of using the 6mm foam to make a base, then I have this 2mm stuff that if heated I can make look like wrinkly leather fabric. I also found a round spider felt piece that I plan to use on the front of this thing. Put a skull in the middle of it. I will integrate spiders and leaves and stuff all through out. It will look awesome.
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Now I just gotta finnish up her backstory. I am totally unsure at the moment who she is completely. I keep thinking Warrior Augra. I will have to sit down and flesh it out soon. And figure out how to do the headress. I was going to use my rams horns with it too. I am unsure now. We'll see. Depends on how it all turns out. To practice my painting techniques and to test whether or not I can glue stuff to it once it is painted I made a crown out of a piece of edging. But I am too tired to show that tonight. I think I will head to bed and save that for another post.
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Music shennanigans...

8/17/2017

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Well....I don't have a whole lot to post about. I have been busy and sick and tired and allerging. I have not completed the video yet, nor have I had time to do any real shooting. My computer had issues yesterday. It crashed 3 times, the 3rd time I had to recover it. I am glad I set restore points and backup images. It has been teetering for months now. About once a week it crashes and tells me it can't recognize the BIOS. Well, duh...mainly that is because it does not have a BIOS. It's firmware, as it is for most 64 bit machines, is EFI. If I open the computer in safe mode, then restart it from safe mode, it has been able to fix tiself. I am not really sure "fix" is the word I want to use here. This is a refurbished laptop. I am sure someone probably flashed a BIOS machine with an EFI, and now the workarounds to make that work are crumbling down. When I go to the system window, it says I have a BIOS installed. I have been in the firmware...it is most definitely not BIOS, it is EFI. Computers is usually my job. I know how to tell. What I don't know is why the discrepentcy. Even if it was flashed with EFI, Windows should read it as an EFI, not a BIOS. And yup...people who thought EFI and BIOS were the same thing...they are very different. A BIOS uses a master boot record table to tell your computer how to load the OS. EFI uses a GPT table to tell your computer how to load the OS. If it is looking for a MBR table, and it ia an EFI firmware, it will not find it and think it can't load. Because it is getting the wrong instructions. Probably more than you wanted to know, but this is my blog and I wanted to impart my knowledge. :P

Anyway...so after months of this happening, yesterday it finally crashed enough times in a row that I had to recover it, which is not a good thing. As I am unsure how to fix the workaround, I can't really fix this permanently. As I am worried about my cmputer quitting completely on me, I hesitate to use it for anything heavy duty, like filming.

I bit the bullet and decided I needed to replace this mess. I don't have a lot of money, as I am still unemployed, but I have been socking a little bit away every month so I can have deposit money for when I get a job and am ready to get my own place again. Through my school I get a discount on Dells, and Dell is currently in addition running a back to school discount. I was able to find a gaming laptop with all the bells and whistles I want and need for $750. I checked the Dell site not logged into the school's portal or using the student discount. It would have cost me $1000. So I decided that it was worth it to make sure I have a laptop I can use for school, and something I can use afterward. If I wait until I have a job, which may be after I am done with school, I would have to pay the full price for it. And I wouldn't have something to use when this one finally is unrecoverable. It will have a dedicated graphics card, 12GB of RAM, and 1 TB of storage. And the processor is good enough I can up it to 32GB of RAM if I want to later. So when that arrives I will do some more filming, and post it up here. But it will have to wait now until that is possible. I don't dare kill this thing before I have something else to do school with. And the new laptop probably will work with Dragonframe. Extra bonus. So why do I feel so guilty about spending money on it? :P

I also have been writing and perfecting some songs, which I intend to record and put up on Soundcloud when I get the new computer. I will link them in my music tab. I am excited to play music at Orycon again this year. Last year I was newly laid off and trying to figure out how  to make ends meet and how to get schooling. This year I am still unemployed, but living in town so I don't have to worry about where to stay. I was already planning on going...bought my membership a few months ago. This will just be the icing on the cake. I love doing panels too. We'll see if they allow me to do any. I put in to do a few at Anglicon too. We'll see if they want me. I am not a Seattlite, and don't know any of the concom, so probably not. But I thought I would throw my hat in there anyway.

Ok...back to homework and research paper. Will post back here when I have more to report.
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Anglicon and More....

8/10/2016

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Back from the con. It was fun. I am glad I went. I managed to stay out of the dealer's room mostly, so did not spend all my money. I got to meet Norman Lovett, the guy who played Holly on Red Dwarf. I got to hang out with some awesome people. I had a much needed escapre from my job search for a bit. I took a bunch of pics. Once I have had time to go through them I will post some to Flickr.

While I am still working on getting puppet hair to properly work, I have decided to go through the interwebs and see if I can find some animation contests/festivals to aim for. I found one I want to do, but I am so scared. I may not be ready for it. The winners will be presented at the LA Film Festival next year. It is a video challenge to make a movie...any kind - stop mo, live action, whatever....inspired and using Danny Elfman music for the soundtrack. He has donated some of his music from Rabbit and Rogue. Danny Elfman. I could be making an animation to DANNY ELFMAN!! It will require a good, finished polished video. I will have to write a full story, break it down, create charaters, build the puppets and sets, time it all, and make it look well finished. It is more than I have ever done before. The thought of it both petrifies me and and excites me at the same time. If I could pull it off.....wow. I have always said I want to make stop mo for a living. It won't happen by being reticent. I have 202 days to get it done. That should be enough time, right? I can spend half the day looking for jobs, half the day working on that. What if I can't? I have failed, and failed miserably. Look at the Eddie Izzard video. :P That was aweful. I don't think I can to worse than that. I think even Mr. Izzard said WTF to that one.

I think I would need to create simple characters. Simple as in not very sophisticated to build. People are great, and I still want to improve on that skill, but I think something less complicated may be better for this one. And I have to write a full story.

So...goal.....decide on the one I want to use, and write a short sketch of a story by Friday.

Then I will take the one I want to use and break it down.....make the different segments of music for the different parts of the story. Maybe I will split it up, like I did with the Douglas Adams audio, to make it easier to animate. Hmmmm

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Con Respite...

7/26/2016

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 So due to exciting circumnstances I have the opportunity to go to Anglicon in Seattle in a few weeks. I am really excited about getting away from home for a few days. Most days I don't leave the house, because I don't have a reason to. I can do my job search from my computer. Most places I am applying to have online resume systems in place. I don't need a ton of groceries, so once a week shopping is sufficient. Last week, I did not leave my house from Tuesday till Sunday. That seems pathetic. Well, I did go into the yard to take pictures. The bees were busy in the mint flowers, so I took the opportunity to practice using the telephoto lens. It is a Canon 75mm-300mm. Not the most expensive, but not bad. It is taking me a while to get used to it, and remember all the settings. My goal is to eventually try to get good pictures of the moon with it. That will have to be somewhere other than at home though, as usually I can't see the moon from my house due to trees and/or houses. But still, I didn't really leave my yard to take the pics. I posted my pictures up on Flickr. I also took the camera with me to the Fair on Sunday. I didn't get a whole lot of good ones, though. I need to learn how to change the settings correctly to get indoor flourescent and outdoor shots. If you want to take a look they are all posted HERE. I made an album of the fair pics. They are all so mushy. I need to figure out why so I can fix it. So many of my pictures are mushy. I may need to invest in a photoshop class.

Anyway, my point was that now I get to take a train up to Seattle and hang out with my fellow nerds for a few days. I am taking my camera and my uke, though I don't expect there to be any music there, per se. I have social anxiety, and I find it easier to deal with constructively if I have the uke in my hand. It grounds me....reminds me I am not stuck where I am, and if I need to I can step outside and noodle until I am calm again. And Anglicon is British fandom themed, so my Who songs and Red Dwarf will be totally appropriate. So now I am getting ready for con. What will I wear? Will I try cosplaying? I have been contemplating painting my cane with space scenes and Tardis's. I don't know if I will do that. I may try. I am not exactly sure how one would accomplish that. I am not an artist. Am thinking maybe paint it solid black and flick white paint on it to represent stars. Maybe use a sponge and some dark blue on it. Then I have to try to freehand Tardis. Hmm....There may be an easier way. I will have to think about it some more. I am putting puppet building on hold for the week. I need to get away from the heavy glue smell anyway. I did get some more tubing, so I may try assembling more bodies. Though a lot of my time will be taken up getting ready for the con. I wish I was able to do these when I was in high school. I think I would have been a lot better off knowing I have options. That I am not a loner wierdo. That there are others who think like me. What I did after high school may have changed a bit.

Anyway, there is a long rambly update. I really am excited to get out and away. I am excited to be with fellow nerds. I am excited to destress for a bit.
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A journey of a thousand steps starts with one note....

9/2/2015

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So this year I was able to attend Sasquan, this year's Worldcon. I and a few Eugenites did a concert. It was only 30 minutes, and it was on Thursday, so most people weren't even there yet....

Anyway, concert went well. Usually at cons you get a riser in a conferance room for a stage. There we had a REAL LIVE STAGE STAGE!!! That was probably one of the best things to happen to me in years. Let me explain...

My mother was a performer and music teacher and vocal coach, etc etc etc. I started getting up on stage when I was 3 years old, singing Practice Makes Perfect from the Christian kids song album Welcome To Agape Land, with a cardboard keyboard slung around my neck. And from then until I was 20, it never stopped. I played cello and piano, I was in choirs and musicals and talent shows. I never had stage fright ever. I used to love the stage. LOVE IT.

There is a certain high you get when you and the people on stage with you are in sync and rocking it, and the audience has caught that energy and amplified it and flung it back at you. It is the BEST high ever.

When I was married, the bastard filled my head with soundtracks like "what makes you think people want to hear that" and "if you have to practice then you aren't very good, are you". 8 years of that, and for some reason stage fright started creeping in. I wasn't able to get that high, because I wasn't able to relax and enjoy being on stage any more. I was petrified that everyone in the audience was thinking what my ex voiced on a regular basis. Every mistep on my part petrified me then, and instead of continuing on like it didn't happen, I would break down in tears and not able to do anything. Sometimes I couldn't even leave the stage. But I worked on it, and worked on it, and slowly I have been getting back to where I was. Up till now, I haven't been able to completely get back to that comfort on stage I used to have.

At this con, I did. Being on a real stage, with a mic and lights and amphitheater style seating....it was like a switch was flipped, and none of the last 20 years happened. I relaxed. I enjoyed myself. I had FUN! I felt the change in the audience when I sang Big Blue Box. And it was EXHILERATING!!!! I NEED more. The stage has turned into a Siren, and I am unable to resist her song. I get excited just thinking back on that performance. I know it wasn't perfect. But it was transformative.

It also helped that when we were doing mic check, after I sang Rose, Rose, someone if the first row said "Oh...she's a singer." That made me feel good. Cause I AM a singer. My voice is not opera level, but it is not a bad singing voice, when I can breathe and don't think too much about what I am doing wrong. When I was on that stage, I felt everything relax, and my voice sounded the best it has in years. And it just corroborated what I have felt all along....my brain gets in my way.

I wish I had a video fo that performance. It would have been nice to see it from the audience point of view.

But....maybe not. Maybe it is best that I remember this performance as it is. If I watched video of it, I would start tearing it apart and anylizing it. What could I have done better? What should I do differently next time? And that would maybe erase all the feel goods I have about it.

I just....I can't help feeling that if I can just hold onto that feeling until my next performance, I will be OK. That maybe be magical thinking, but I really, really, really just want to hold on to that. Hard and tightly. And carry it on stage with me everytime I perform, no matter what kind of stage it is.

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Tired. So tired....

11/21/2013

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It has been such a busy week. I have been working on animating. I plan on sharinf pictures and thoughts on the process, but right now I am SO tired and need desperately to nap. I will post when I have more energy.

I will, however, take the time to share with you my new video. It is not great, but it isn't bad. I ran out of time to do proper audio dialog and sound mixing, so I went with the silent movie approach.

Escape from Dalek from Barefoot Hallucination on Vimeo.

Also reworked my second animation ever. It is pretty bad. There was a lot more to it, but I cut it down for your sanity and mine. It was part of a series of animations I did about the Tardis taking time to have adventures without the Doctor. The sound is a little off, but I will fix it later.
So there ya go. Will talk about animating next post.
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    Eleanor...nerd, musician, stop motion animator, techy, crafty. But not in the crafty crafty way...I just like making things. You can find me on Twitch & Twitter @TeaWeaselStopMO & Tiktok.

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