Hello again. I am back again with more resolve to post here more often. Life has been kicking my butt. However I have renewed motivation and plan to try to keep this thing going. In order for that to happen, I have made a plan. Bwuahahaha.
So...

Plan 1 - Post here 2x a week, no matter where I am at.
I am hoping by making myself stick to a pre planned schedule, things won’t fall through the cracks. I have several SCA events to get ready for this summer, as well as Norwescon in April (if it isn’t cancelled) and Rose City Comic Con in September. I also have some stop mo’s I want to complete. They are all written, I just have to construct the puppets, sets, props etc and film. Hwat I work on will be dependent on time, energy, joint flare ups and money for the pieces I need.

Plan 2 - Post a vlog on You Tube either once a week or every other week.
I set up a YouTube channel for bloggy things that are not actual stop mo things. I will embed the videos here. We shall see how that goes.

For now, let me get you caught up.

I have so many projects. I think I will just list them here and break them down into the different parts.

1. SCA
I am going to just concentrate on getting a set of camping event garbs to wear to events this summer. This is going to consist of
-Elizabethan peasant garb
-1 or 2 chemises
-2 or 3 kirtles
​-an apron
-2 or 3 coifs with forehead kercheifs
-a tie on collared partlet
- Possibly either a flat cap, straw hat or both

Elizabethan peasant garb seems fairly straight forward. I am basing my basic design on this:

Basically the blue one. I don’t want to mess with back lacing while camping alone. This is also slightly earlier than my period, but it is the basic jist of what I am going for. I also want to make fake padded braids to wear under the coif to make it fit right. Cause my hair is sparce at the moment.


2. Cosplays
I want to get Talleg done (yes, STILL), and I need to fix Aoifa. I am thinking of just leaving it at those. Because I don’t have a lot of spare money right now, and Norwescon is in a month, I am just going to concentrate and those two for now.

Aoifa
-Fix her corset. Either try to make it a real corset or figure out how to sew the cardboard together so it won’t pop
-Remake her horns
-Make a padded circlet to go under the wig, so the horns look like they are growing kut of her head. Seriously that circlet is a joke.
-Figure out how to incorporate the dragon eye from the current circlet
-Sew the fur collar to the cloak. It is currently hot glued, very badly
-Repaint the spider broaches so the black doesn’t chip off
-Figure out a better sleeve configuration. Or learn how to glue them to my skin so they stay
-Figure out how to install the ears, and how to makeup them

Not much. 😒

Talleg
-Finish breastplate
-leg armor and arm armor
-Gauntlets
-Finish +1 mace.....MAKE IT LIGHT UP

​I think I will break this down futher in my video. When I get that done.

Another month has gone by. I suppose it is time to update this.

I have been working on audio, but I have a limited amount of time I can work on it, and I don't yet have anything I am willing to post. I will probably work some more on it tonight.

One of my favorite geek bands, Debs & Errol, were in the running for the CBC Searchlight. Errol wanted to do something with the #Votegeek hashtag, and called for fans to send him pictures of themselves with it. So I dusted off Wade and ran around town taking pictures. I also decided to take this as an excuse to actually build him a set. He needed furniture, big time. Everything I have is simply Liliputian compared to him. Here is one of the pics I took at Dutch Brothers. They are so awesome there.

Anyway...

So, anyway, I took a few days a built Wade a sofa and an end table and a coffee table. I sewed a cushion and crocheted a blanket to go on the back of the sofa. I painted a background. So now that I had all these things, of course I had to play around with them. The resulting videos are not great, but the set looks awesome. Needs more detail, like pictures, a window, a book shelf, etc.  Otherwise I am happy with it. Here is the mess I call a video...

So, there ya go. This month hasn't been completely uneventful. As I play with Wade and what he can do I hope to have more test videos to post.

So the creative bug had been biting me pretty hard lately. I really want to do some cool stuff, though I know a lot of it I just will need to learn how to do and it will be crap. I made a list of everything I want to do, and looking at it (it is pretty long) I think I am going to need to make a plan if I am ever going to get any of it done.

Warning: LONG post! Lots of bullshit! A bunch of pics! Feel free to read or skip as appropriate.

First thing, I have been working on a new stop mo. My camera has pretty much crapped out on me, so I am going to have to figure out how to do it without the camera. I have my iPad. I have figured out how to get pics from my iPad to my computer. I have found a few camera control apps for the iPad, though nothing that lets me control the focus the way I want. Also I need to anchor that sucker down somehow so it doesn't look like my characters are in an earthquake all the time.

So I have designed a frame thing that is made of PVC piping and foam insulation tape. I had planned on cutting the PVC with my hacksaw and mitre box. The box is missing. I packed them together, because I usually do not use either one by themselves. One of these days I will either go get another one or find a friend who has power tools to help me cut them at a 45 degree angle and cut a slot in the top for the foam insulation and a place to rest the iPad. Then I will drill a 1/4inch hole in the bottom for mounting to the tripod platform. Project number one. :)

So last weekend I helped a friend move. As per usual she wanted to get rid of stuff, and as per usual I accommodated her and took it off her hands. The first thing was this awesome globe thing that lights up.

Now I have to figure out how to costume this bad boy. I can't sew, and I have other sewing projects I want to do. So I will need to find a place to find South Korean looking jackets and grey slacks. And of course the mask. I HAVE to take a shot at making a mask of that face. I have no mask making experience. I do have liquid latex. I have been looking online and if I do it in 3 pieces I may actually be able to pull it off. One piece for the face, another piece for the tentacles, and a final piece for the head. I am currently researching the cost of latex foam. I also need to get myself a few styrofoam heads to use as bases. I think I would make a thin latex mask for the face, a molded latex foam for the head, then attach the tentacles to a large mesh frame that attaches to the mask. that will make it easier to breath. It would also be awesome if I can find a cheap voice modulator.

On the latex mask front, I decided if I am going to do an Ood, I also need to make a Vastra mask.

This is Madame Vastra (picture property of BBC and Doctor Who). She is strong and beautiful and a warrior and everything I wish I could be. She is one of my favorite fictional characters ever. She is married to Jenny, the lady behind her in this picture. If you don't watch any other Doctor Who, it is worth watching the episodes she is in just to bask is this dazzling character. I have been waiting out the last few years of less than stellar storylines and Moffet's version of Psych! and a Doctor who doesn't really feel like the Doctor, but her alone has made this wait worth it. As masks go, this one looks like the most comfortable one to wear for long periods at a time. I would do her Victorian outfits, though. She has some gorgeous black dresses I really want. Though, my next project could conceivably be used for her character.

I also got a green leather coat. It is HUGE. It is very 80's. The shoulder pads are gone, but thiey have left thier mark in the shoulders of this coat. there is enough leather fabric in that coat to make a steampunky vest or two. A vest that would go with the brown leather coat I found last winter. It would also go with the Vastra mask. I also want to sew some aviator pants to use with steampunk.


 

I want this look, pants boots and all. Except I want to make them black. These pants could go with steampunk and Vastra.

I also was given several sets of vampire fangs. So....I can do regular vampire, steampunk vampire, or vampire Silurian (Vastra is a Silurian). OR Vampire Steampunk Silurian! Oh this is going to be awesome. :)

I can't sew worth a damn, so I will have to find someone to supervise.

So the list....

Not in priority order...

1. Latex Ood mask
2. Latex Madame Vastra mask
3. Build a more interactable stop mo set
4.Leather steampunk vest or two, depending
5.iPad frame with foam insulation
6.Button over aviator pants
7.Steampunk goggles
8.Crochet sweater and vests out of mounds of yarn I have laying around
9.Spin the fleece I have sitting around
10.Play with armatures and different materials to decide on puppets for stop mo.
11. Finish all writing projects (web series, 10 minute short, play, novel)
12.Finish filming current stop mo

I once told someone I am never bored. If I had a bajillion dollars, I would have plenty to do. They didn't believe me. :)

So now I have to decide what needs to be done with each of these projects, when I want to have them done by, and what I need in order to finish them. Then I will make a general plan to get them done.

Wow...a whole month again without a post. Well, today's post is because I want to test the new ios interface for Weebly and I need to talk through some crap.

It has been a hectic month. I am still working on the script for the 10 minute short for the intern thing. It needs to be done by June 1st if it is going to be done on time. I have several ideas outlined, but can't seem to get past that stage. I need to decide on which one to use, and flesh it out then script it. I don't have much time to do it either. Besides which I have a huge server upgrade to do at work which is totally stressing me out. I need to just stop stressing and do, but I am totaly freaked out. I am in one of those places where I am too scared to do anything because I am afraid of messing up everything I do. I am afraid of writing the script because I am afraid of writing something that is crap, full of cliches and clams. I realize that it probably won't be that bad, and it can always be cleaned up, but my fear is once again paralizing me and preventing me from getting anything done.

I realize that the worst that can happen is that I need to clean it up and edit it. The worse that can happen is that my first draft is total shit. So why does it feel like if that happens it is the end of the world? This happens to me on a regular basis. I need to find a way to work around it. I need to find a way to just ignore the nagging doubt and just do it anyway.

Ok, I think I need to force myself out of this, and I am using this blog to hold myself accountable.

I vow to:

1. Work on this script for 4 hours a day.
2. Write no less than 3000 words a day, including rewrites and alterations.
3. Stop beating myself up and censoring myself before I start writing.
4. Take 5 minutes to look over the good things I have produced, to remind myself what I can do when I actually work on it.
5. Stop judging whether what I am doing is of good quality and just enjoy the process of doing it. Assessment will be judgement free, used only for seeing potentials for making it better, not judging how bad it curently is.

I realize I am being cheesy and I feel it is a bit trite. But seriously, I need to pull myself out of this muck into which I have sunk. Self judgement and self criticism is never a healthy place to stay for very long. It stunts creativity. It is a self perpetuating cycle. The more you let yourself dwell on the insecurity, the more bad things you see about your work and the more insecurity seeps in.

OK...I am going to go get myself something to eat, then I am going to take my own advice and just work on it. Any suggestions on how to work past this would be awesome. I hope I am not the only person in the world that struggles with this.

Apparently I have a Tumblr account, which I totally forgot about. I tend to do that. Create accounts at the newest shiniest thing on the intertubes then completely forget about them. Also apparently I did some serious pontificating there about creativity, my cowardace about putting my stuff put there, etc. Yeah I know. Weird. Some of those things were actually good and fairly intelligent, if I do say so myself. I came across it while lazily spending the morning in bed googling myself. Don't judge me - you have done it too.

So the one that struck me the most this morning is about how people give criticism, and our general lack of knowledge around how to do it correctly. While creativity rarely happens in a void, bad criticism can shut it down completely. Here is a copy-n-paste of what I said there. Do you agree? Do you think I am being overly harsh, or have I hit the nail on the head?

~In my ongoing to search to find something out there that will help me get over myself and continue creating, I have noticed something interesting.

But first, let me say that my view of the creative process up till now has been you hole up by yourself. You write/photograph/paint/sew/edit, etc, until whatever it is you are creating is polished and good. Then you present it to the world and get your kudos and praise from regular people and stone throwing from the trolls and voila you have success. I love to get feedback and encouragement as I go. My experience has been that when you ask other people for that what you actually get is thier vision of how your project should be. My mother was very fond of molding anything I did until it was no longer the personification of the vision I had for it. It was then her project, and she expected credit for it.

When I decided I wanted to write I started going to writing groups thinking that I would get the encouragement I needed, only to be shot down horribly by members of the group. Any time anyone had a good idea or an engrossing story, instead of encouraging the writer they would pick apart the petty details that didn’t matter. They would shoot each other down with scathing remarks about things like a writer’s choice in clothing for their characters or pick to pieces the choice of titles. I watched them all do this to each other and left in frustration. This was not helpful to anyone nor was it encouraging. It cemented my theory that creativity is a lone animal.

However, as I read more and more about what successful creative people have to say about it the more I am inclined to think that creativity doesn’t happen in a void. Yes, certain things you have to do alone. But it seems that creativity begats creativity. How many artists have said they saw the Mona Lisa or some brilliant art piece and were inspired to go home and do something themselves? How many writers tell about the daily activities that triggered an idea for a story that developed into a book?

And they also had someone, somewhere along the line, who told them they were good and gently steered them in the right direction.

In my opinion most people, even experienced creative types, don’t understand how to critique. Critiquing isn’t about saying “This is bad. I don’t like it. You need to change X,Y and Z.” It is about looking at the beauty that is already there and making little suggestions that will enhance that beauty. It is about putting aside your personal taste and looking at the project for what it is. Not a lot of creative types do that instinctively. We tend to look at a project and begin assessing what we would do if it were our project.

There are people out there who can objectively critique and help. They can look at a piece of art and explain to the artist why the overall design would fit together better if they used a different color, instead of just telling them the color is off. They can read your story and tell you why this paragraph breaks up the continuity of a story. They can look at your movie and explain why that last scene didn’t work with the rest of the story. And most importantly they can express what they like about a project.

We need more people like that. That is what helps creativity to thrive. Though we can’t change how other people do things, we can change ourselves.

We need to step back and think about how we felt when we first started, and explain our critique in a way that is more of a learning experience than a destructive experience. We need to ask ourselves “Is this really a valid criticism, or is this just my personal taste?

This is how we can help each other through those damned walls. If I had people like that to show my work to during the polishing process, I wouldn’t be so disinclined to show anything to anyone ever. That little voice inside that likes to pipe in with “This is shit. Why are you even trying?” would be easier to silence.

Hmm…well, it’s just a theory. I welcome thoughts on the subject.~

So, that said...Thoughts? Agree or disagree? Why?

So it has been a while. Again. It is surprising how fast time gets away from me when I am working at an actual job. I haven't done much more than last post. I have pulled out my stop mo stuff and gone through it. I need to figure out what I need for sets and props and start building. I need to do a run to Eugene Toy and Hobby and stock back up on balsa wood. I also need to decide how I am going to do foliage for the forrest. Am I going to try to do it with real plants, fake plats that look real, or plnt-ish representations. I think the reason I havebeen putting it off is I have an idea that may change how I am currently doing my stop mo. I think I may have posted about it before. I want to research and play around with the idea of stabilizing marionettes to use as my stop mo puppets. They would be much larger, so I would have to look for and/or make larger sets, furniture and props. it would be easier to find what I need, though.

Last night a friend and I went thrifting and I found a set of knitting hoops for $5. Not a bad buy, considering they are usually $30-$40 for a set like that. It was missing one hoop, but it did have the hooks and finishing needle. so now while I sit and watch my shows I have something new to play with. I plan on trying to make myself a sweater or something. At this point I am just palying around with them and learning how they work. they seem simple and straightforward enough. It looks like they make a very loose knit, though. I may have to see if I can get it to tighten up somehow.

I am currently sitting at a cafe waiting for a friend to come join me for sodas, beer and brownies and ice cream. I probably should post this before she gets here. I will leave you with a pic of the 1959 Jewish cook book I found at the thrift store. Rosh Hashana is coming up, and it has some excellent recipes. I am happy withthat find.

Another day of writing. I am housesitting this weekend starting last night, so I thought this would be a great weekend to sequester myself with my computer and write. I have a lot of writing to do. However, now I am here I am having a hard time motivating myself to get started. It's not like I don't want to write. I love writing. As hard as it is, and even with how much I struggle with getting it just right, I love it. This whole frustrating, maddening, wonderful process I call stop motion is love worthy. I admit, no job I have ever had has made me as happy. Or as frustrated. And yet, in spite of the frustration, I still want to do it. I have not the feeling of "Fuck it!" and the urge to walk away, kicking everyone in face as I do so. The frustration does not make me mad. As much as I want to have an income, after experiencing this, I don't want to go back to crappy day-to-day stuff. I am still looking and will take what I can get, but I am realizing more and more that I need to get my butt in gear and figure out a way to make THIS my job. I need to find someone who can help me figure out what is crap and what is good, so I can improve faster.

I feel stupid just figuring out what I want to be when I grow up at age 37. I wish I had figured my life out sooner. Looking back on my life, I don't think I could have. I went from one abusive situation to another. I wasted my 20's on an abusive man who wasn't worth my time, and wasted most of my 30's getting away from the shit he lay on me. Only now am I realizing what I can do, and what makes me happy. Only now can I look at what I do and see the good as well as the bad. I guess I am getting to a point in my life where I really am getting too old for other people's shit, and their negativity no longer completely shuts me down. Granted, I have a long way to go before the fear monster sitting on my shoulder dies. He may never die completely. But it feels good to look back on something I made, even if there are flaws that need to be corrected, and be excited and happy with what I see. It feels good to make myself laugh. It makes me feel like running around yelling "Look what I did!" like a five year old.

Actually, I take that back. I am not just discovering now what I want to be when I grow up. I am only now rediscovering what I wanted to be from a young age. When I was in elementary school I used to write little stories all the time. I used to amuse my teachers with them. One of them even encouraged me to submit one of my stories to the district wide writer's conference. Somewhere there is a published volume of elementary school kid's stories from 1984, and one of mine is in there. I believe it was a story about a witch. I LOVED melodramas, and as an extension British pantos. One summer I wrote a melodrama, and I roped my siblings and my cousins into performing it for all the adults. I think I was 10 at the time. When I was a teenager I wrote books to take with me babysitting. I had what I called my babysitting bag. I found that although kids had books and toys and videos at their houses, usually they had played them all to death and didn't really want to do any of that stuff. So in my bag I put a bag of chocolate chips with which to make cookies, a jump rope, paper and colored pencils, dress up clothes  and cheap McDonald's toys. And, of course books. My mom wouldn't let me take our books out of the house, so I wrote my own and my best friend illustrated them. We made several for my bag and several for hers. So what happened? Several things. There are circumstances I don't want to bore you with, but mainly the end result was me giving up on myself. I honestly thought that the best I could do was be someone's wife and raise kids. (The ironic thing is I still don't have any kids) That I was too stupid and incompetent to be creative. That my ideas were cliche and stupid. And it has just taken me this long to wade through all the bullshit and realize what I have known all along.....that I can do this, and whether or not I am good enough at it NOW for people to pay me for it, it makes me happy. "It" being stop motion animation, storytelling, writing, comedy....anything and everything that I have been working on the last year to keep myself sane.

Because in the end, all THAT,  is what makes me happy and sane.

Well, look at that. I think I just knocked my motivation loose. See ya either when the weekend is over or when I hit another rough patch. Enjoy your weekend. :)

Ok, this post is because I am stuck and I need to kick myself out of my stuck spot.

For some reason, whenever I write, the place I always get stuck is the names. I may put too much emphasis on the importance of names in fiction. However I feel that the right name tells the audience the right things about your character. I also have an affinity for names that are clever double meanings, tells you something specific but covertly about the character's personality, or has obscure ties to something in the storyline. It doesn't help that I am a fan of such authors like J.R.R. Tolkien and Neil Gaiman. Tolkien was a linguist, and used words and names accordingly. In American Gods, the king of character development  Neil Gaiman uses names to help tell the story. He uses them to obscure the identities of  the gods, and uses the ambiguous name Shadow for the main character to emphasize his ambiguous roots and the fact he is basically lost at sea after the death of his wife and release from prison. As he learns more about himself and his origins, we learn more about his name. In The Graveyard Book he uses names like Miss Lupescu  for the Hound of God or werewolf. The ghouls, who have obviously lost who they were before they became ghouls, receive names that are obviously ridiculously not theirs.

So, those are all serious fiction. They are well written novels by talented writers. Why should I have such a hang up on names? It would be really easy to write the whole thing then add in names afterwards. For me, though, the names will help me A. keep track of the characters and B. keep each character's, um, character in mind so I don't have them doing things out of character. That annoys me the most about poorly written fiction. Once you establish your character, you had better give me a good reason why that character does something that is outside the already established parameters. Just having them do something because it pushes the story forward or because you have written yourself into a corner and need a magic story bandaid takes me right out of the willing suspension of disbelief. You may be writing about invisible aliens attacking talking animals in anti gravity boots, but what will make me call bullshit is an action or bit of dialog that doesn't fit. It is jarring. I equate it to that moment in the Wily E. Coyote cartoons after he has walked off the edge of the cliff. At the beginning he stays up in the air, because he hasn't realized that the ground is no longer underneath him. The moment he starts falling is the moment he realizes he should be falling.

Now  if you give a good reason for this out of character action and/or dialog, that is something else. In the Hobbit, Bilbo does a ton of things that are way outside his established character. However we also see how he is struggling with it, and he doesn't do anything completely out of character from the beginning. He doesn't charge into the encampment of trolls brandishing his sword and shouting. He considers his precarious position with the dwarves, and how the uncharacteristic action of stealing the trolls pouch would aid in establishing his position with the dwarves.  Both actions are out of character, but one illustrates his evolution into doing the out-of-character action.

But I digress. My point is that establishing the correct names from the beginning helps me to keep my characters in character. It  helps to remind me of what I had in mind for them in the first place and not make that jarring mistake. Should I even care about this if I am just writing a silly little stop motion video? Am I being over conscientious?

What's in a name? Everything.

I think I have successfully kicked myself out of the stuck spot. Now that I have articulated my reasoning I can now just do instead of agonize. Thanks for the help.